relationship anxiety

You’re in a loving relationship with a great partner. You’ve established boundaries, built trust, and been familiar with each other’s communication styles. When you are having anxiety after being in a relationship then it is relationship anxiety. Although it’s not a clinical assessment, relationship anxiety depicts someone’s concern regarding romantic partners, family members, or even platonic interactions. You can want to hold to the other person or push them away since you’re not sure if they feel the same way you do. People who are anxious about their relationships may find relief through therapy and stress-reduction techniques. This is not listed in DSM-5 yet. However, if it is something that is affecting your relationship and your mental health, talk to Relationship Counsellor to seek help.

Is relationship anxiety normal?

Yes, relationship anxiety is completely normal as it is quite common. It may start at the beginning of the relationship because they are not sure whether their partner is interested in them or they are sharing the same interests or whether their partners are having an interest in them. These feelings come up when there is a long-term relationship. 

Relationship anxiety over time might result in:

  • Emotional tiredness
  • Lack of motivation
  • Emotional anguish
  • Stomach discomfort 
  • Other health issues

It’s possible that nothing in the relationship itself is the cause of your anxiousness. However, it may eventually result in actions that bother you and your partner and cause problems.

Signs and symptoms

  • Seeking excessive reassurance
  • Self-silencing
  • There is a fear of commitment and vulnerability
  • Ending the relationship before becoming serious in the relationship
  • Questioning the motives of your partner
  • Inability to express your needs and desires because you may fear that they will leave you.
  • Doubting the compatibility between you and your partner
  • Over thinking about words and actions your partner is saying
  • More time spending in worrying
  • Sabotaging the relationship or having frequent fights with your partner

Causes of anxiety in a relationship

Since there isn’t a single obvious explanation for anxiety, figuring out what it is that is causing it can take time and careful self-examination. Even finding potential causes on your own might be challenging. Some causes are:

Some previous relationship issues:

There could be some past experiences regarding the relationships which could be negative and hence can make you fall for relationship anxiety issues. Some of the issues may be:

  • Cheated on you
  • Dumped you and that too unexpectedly
  • Lied to you about the feelings
  • Might have misled about the relationship

When someone hurt you, forming the same kind of trust with another person might be tricky for you even when they have not shown any kind of dishonesty with you. There may be some triggers that can make you remind of the past. 

Low self esteem

Relationship anxiety and insecurity can occasionally be aggravated by low self-esteem. According to some older studies, people who have lower self-esteem are more prone to question their partner’s emotions when they are feeling insecure. This is a form of projection that might occur. When a person thinks disappointed about themselves, they may think that their partner also thinks about them in the same way. 

Attachment styles

It is said that the attachment styles a person form in their childhood is followed when they become an adult. You probably formed a secure attachment style if your parent or caregiver gave you the love and support you needed right away. Your attachment type can be less secure if they didn’t consistently meet your requirements or allow you to develop independently.

When you form an insecure attachment style then it may have an impact on the relationship in the following way:

  • Avoidant attachment may cause you to worry about your degree of commitment or growing intimacy.
  • Anxious attachment can occasionally lead to worries that your lover will abandon you and that too without giving you any prior warning.
  • Questioning tendency

Before choosing a course of action, you might need to ask yourself what the alternative outcomes of a scenario could be. Or perhaps you just make decisions after giving them great thought.

If you frequently ask a lot of questions to your partner your relationship will probably also be questioned. This isn’t necessarily a concern. In fact, it’s generally a good idea to give decisions you make, especially important ones, some thought.

Ways to deal with relationship anxiety

Working with a qualified Therapist as a guide will help you uncover any underlying anxiety you may have in order to effectively deal with your relationship anxiety. Also crucial is being honest and transparent with your partner, who may be able to ease your tension and give you a sense of security. Here are some tips which may help you deal with the anxiety and make your relationships healthy:

  • Identifying the cause of your anxiety
  • Try to be honest about your feelings to your partner
  • Using anxiety remedies when your anxiety level rises
  • Build relationships with people who support you
  • Addressing the conflict that is occurring in your relationship
  • Appreciate the people who support you

A fantastic option to dig deep and identify some of the negative thought patterns and events that might be causing your relationship anxiety is through therapy for anxiety. Therapy may be very helpful, whether you’re experiencing relationship anxiety or your partner is, since it gives you a safe space to work through your nervous feelings and acquire a greater understanding of how to recognize and have a healthy connection.

Use a nearby Therapist search engine to identify one in your area who you feel at ease speaking with and with whom you can establish a rapport. You can also take help from Online Counselling sessions from TalktoAngel. Keep in mind that having this type of anxiety is not shameful, and sometimes the first step to recovery is just being honest with yourself and asking for help.